I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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