I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
