I cockslap morals
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
