I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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