Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
