no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
