Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
