He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
