he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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