my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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