So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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