i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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