Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My feet surprised me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
