I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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