My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
