what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
