i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
