On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it's like iHOP with fire
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
