last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
