so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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