I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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