my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
