It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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