Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
