Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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