Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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