So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
