He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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