Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
