You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
