his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
