It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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