I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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