so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
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Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.