He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.