Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
