Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if i can run in heels then i can drive
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.