Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.

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  (425): Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility. http://tfl.nu/j5r5
  Replies (14) Good night (2779) Bad night (531)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.

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  (970): she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society. http://tfl.nu/p2lg
  Replies (74) Good night (781) Bad night (2701)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

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  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (17084) Bad night (1180)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them

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  (503): I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them http://tfl.nu/p9tn
  Replies (12) Good night (2753) Bad night (1392)
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  (516): View more from New York

  good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.

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  (516): good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top. http://tfl.nu/vbez
  Replies (19) Good night (5032) Bad night (1116)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me

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  (416): this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me http://tfl.nu/7rt7
  Replies (9) Good night (3122) Bad night (746)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats a chance were just gonna have to take

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  (978): I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina. (978): Thats a chance were just gonna have to take http://tfl.nu/hpgd
  Replies (9) Good night (1708) Bad night (805)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again

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  (509): With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again http://tfl.nu/qu3m
  Replies (3) Good night (777) Bad night (1023)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.

  (347): View more from New York

  he is a god among men.

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  (917): when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment. (917): Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles. (347): he is a god among men. http://tfl.nu/gmep
  Replies (52) Good night (7746) Bad night (901)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday

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  (503): Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday http://tfl.nu/7fl3
  Replies (2) Good night (1343) Bad night (427)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.

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  (850): Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made. http://tfl.nu/7051
  Replies (5) Good night (1843) Bad night (493)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.

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  (214): Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again. http://tfl.nu/x4c6
  Replies (2) Good night (826) Bad night (472)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk

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  (780): It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk http://tfl.nu/34yj
  Replies (8) Good night (836) Bad night (359)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.

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  (810): in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure. http://tfl.nu/xpih
  Replies (2) Good night (338) Bad night (351)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.

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  (630): He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway. http://tfl.nu/b8m9
  Replies (2) Good night (290) Bad night (604)

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