I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.