I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize