Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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