you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
