I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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