I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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