dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
