I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We need a shit load of segways right now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize