I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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