..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Apparently you make a good broom.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
do nipples grow back?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
