My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
