just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
