I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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