I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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