My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So much Jack, so little girl.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
