be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
