WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
