i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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