Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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