Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
