U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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