i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
