yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
