I only kidnapped one of them. chill
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
