We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
