If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
