don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
