She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
FUCK WHALES
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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