funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
